Hello there. Lizzie's razor here and let me tell you she does not shave her legs NEARLY enough. But it is officially winter so a nice pedicure will just have to do. We are into the final day of 2021. I am up late practicing for New Years Eve tomorrow night. I am a retired partier these days. I used to hang with the best of the partiers I tell you. Way back in my day if you weren't drinking and smoking you were doing stuff out of sight and I was not aware until years later. That's the truth. I was a dense minded partier. I couldn't get down with the drug snorters. I'd be in the back family room with the dying grandma instead. I knew where the real action was. No really I have always been oblivious to most drugs and their users. I actually dated a guy for a good solid four months before it was revealed to me that he was a really bad meth addict. That was a bummer. And when band members slipped into the stinky bathroom to snort lines heck I had no idea until they offered some to my boyfriend. And heroin? Why I had to have a musician housemate heroin addict make a mess with one of my silver spoons before I caught on and kicked his puking withdrawal booty out of my home. I tell you what. I have been through the ringer being a drug ignoramus. Whatever. Those days are long gone. Letting go of the weight of the past has been very liberating these past two years. I feel like I abandoned a lot of friends and family. I am taking cover. I've had a great past but I don't miss a single one of you. Life is great! Happy New Year!
I take a deep breath, one because I've been recording and editing all day and I feel plum tuckered and two because this is the absolute end to 2021 and it has been a very topsy turvy circus of a year no doubt. As I reflect in gratitude for every little thing and as we all look back on this past 365 days...(is that all?) The biggest lesson for me, although no one, seriously not one person asked, is that if you want to feel alive and well, actually I can speak only for myself although I have heard others write and talk about it but forgiveness and gratitude saved my life this year. I grew closer to the sun this fall and the season has now changed and we are in the winter. As we near the 12th night of these amazingly holy days of transcendence may we all keep in mind that centuries of people have come and gone before us through civilizations with flourishing art and music, with battles of might and will over lands, and those who have come before us rest now in peace. I have let a lot go over the past two years. There have been many times when I have been wronged and through the forgiveness I struggle to give I find I can also forgive myself. That really is the big one folks. In your deepest solitude you can know the most peace and sometimes the most turbulence. If you have a creative mind like I do, a vivid imagination filled with mind expanding concepts then you are probably a bit tired as am I. Refocusing on music and video images has been a wonderful place for me. I realized that I would really like some financial support for my work. Like today. I spent six hours filming, recording and editing. I am working on two projects currently and I am thrilled. I want to do this for a living. Please support me at Patreon.com. The link for this and my PayPal are on the main page. I'll plan on doing even more special things with my creative spirit!!!
As I begin writing this I am in a quandary. To ponder free speech and what that actually means and how to protect it and why it is important in the first place. Well, I believe religious freedom might be at the heart of it. The idea that we are sovereigns in the nation under God. My freedom being God given. Freedom of speech means I can say all that. There is no king of us. We left England behind a long time ago. Anyway. To be curious and to wonder who has any right to censor anyone else. That is not the country I was born into originally. I heard recently that the 2nd amendment to the American constitution was written to protect the 1st amendment. Free speech. We must question why free speech is so very important.
There are so many ways to be scared. If you are looking for a fear adrenalin rush just meander through the current Facebook 'social' media interface and make friends with people around the world who have their fingers on differing pulses. Works every time. You could choose health, politics, environment, sex trafficking, and deep state Satanic Masonic information. You could choose Hollywood elite adrenachrome stories. You could choose the future and Agenda 2030 or 2021 topics. You could dig around and find weird information on Bill Gates or Anthony Fauci. Heck you could feel fear about your neighbors or that creak you heard in the floor that wakes you up at night. Or when you hear fire engine sirens screaming nearby. You could feel fear about finances or mass black outs or Covid concentration/internment camps. You could feel fear about food chain supplies and beef prices. You could feel fear about not wearing a mask or wearing a mask or wearing two masks. You could feel fear about mRNA gene therapeutic injections and boosters. You could feel fear about 5G and electomagnetic resonance. There's a lot to consider. Today I decided to stop chasing fear. I saw the sunlight flash on a puddle just as something hit the puddle causing its surface to expand becoming concentric circles going out in all directions and its energy passed energetically through me relieving me of any future worry. Amazing isn't it? Find a puddle near you!
What up people? We the people... America had a good run. Shreds tattered beaten dirty winded tangled shreds of early American values. White washed baloney to guiltify the humans that desire a filtered virtue signaled existence. I get it. You and a lot of others and me too are just trying to feel calm and okay. Death will come one way or another and it is your and my God given right to choose to certain degrees how that life, our life, will be lived. In fear people are running to the next shot of this or that chemical whether by injection or small shot glass of brown liquid just to feel okay. Doing it for your selfish self under the guise of doing it for others. Bull shit socialism. Please research Russian history. 70,0000 dead at the hands of Stalin. Bolsheviks set in place. The ball is rolling. I may die in vain and so maybe will you. Casting off others to cling to your own limitations. Merry Christmas.
Today was a weird one. My anxiety was through the roof. Luckily it coincided with my counseling session. My mom is on the brink of death and I am two hours away. There is nothing I can do and I can't stay there waiting. That just seems morbid. She is very comfortable and I hope to make another trip to be near her before she departs. The real blessing today was being with Jess and Nati. Women singing three part harmony on a 1,200 year old advent Christmas carol was just what I needed with tea, laughter and Momo my new cat. Now I am home after singing and playing music and pizza will be here soon many thanks to my husband. These days with all that is going on in the world and the shortness of late fall early winter I am beside myself. I want to relax. I want to be happy I do not want to worry. Is is possible to just go media free? To resist the draw of 'doom scrolling' as Jess put it today. (?) That is the question. Won't I be alright and have the same amount of living whether I am worrying OR NOT? Is there anything more to be done to prevent a war, heal those with Covid, convince someone of hard to find facts, help children have freedom to be innocent and protected? Is there something more? I must take care of myself and that means not letting news rattle my skull. Not doing it.
Really needed a down day today...glad that the Christmas tree is up and decorated with the help of Vincent, Carl and Amy. Carl put the star on top today. Boy Scout 175 is to thank for the tree this year, bought on the spot! Went down the block to cut many branches of Bay tree. There is an amazing old growth Bay in front of my neighbor's house. That Bay queen tree must be at least two hundred years old. The branches now dawn our fireplace hearth and the top of the bookcase. I just took Pepper my dog for a nice but chilly walk in my birthday Ugg slippers. Hello comfort. Worth every penny and I got the last size 8 in the store. LOVE them. Yesterday was a big who haw day. My mom was in the ER on the coast Friday night and I only got word on Saturday morning so I drove there and back and got her situated back in the home where she lives. Her liver and kidney's are having a hard time processing the high levels of medications that she takes. She is declining rapidly. I actually made effort to say the big goodbye yesterday. It was tough. Then I rushed back learning all the words to Pink Floyd Time while driving only to not be able to perform that one. Disappointed by disdain and lack of inclusion in rehearsal. Taking the hint. For krimanies sake. Alas. SO today? I am sipping chai tea from Blue Lotus tea company. OMG it is so darn good with maple syrup and evaporated milk. Did I mention it is SO yummy? Merry Christmas everyone.
Oh hello again. I just want to say thank you. Thank you whoever you are. Thanks for wanting to see what I have to say. I appreciate that there are some caring folks out there in the world. That being said, I've been told by a few people, or should I say, it has been pointed out to me on occasion that, and I quote: "No one cares." And the fact that I am writing this and you are reading this goes against that quote's cutting reality.
Courage, I realized tonight, is that we are all, standing up against the sound of silence. By not being quelled or curtailed by energies that divide us. By not being silenced. By questioning and seeking truth to the best of our ability and within our own logic and our own reasoning. Courageous. Taking on the care of our elders in their dying time. Stepping up against adversities that are driven by fear and justified by a choice in the hope that something has come to save people from the inevitable. Courage to recognize and not stand for insult in relationship to having a difference of opinion. Choosing to respect yourself and be as graceful as possible with people who you once thought loved and cared for you without conditions.
That's you. That's me. We have more in common than the differences we choose to magnify between us and others. We are seeking the places and people who can support, uplift and believe in us. As we breathe into the changes that are happening around us we can feel courageous. All of us. Each one of us.
Here let me just step off of this little soap box. I've always loved that idea of actually someone standing on a soapbox to relay their thoughts. I come from a short line of soapers. My great grandfather was in the Chautauqua in Wisconsin during the Great American Depression. He had four children and his wife, my great grandma Bernina died young. He would proselytize while playing Hawaiian guitar and telling stories from the Bible that he would illustrate on a chalk board. They were called Chalk Talks. It's interesting that my grandma Ella had these particular cheekbones that were called Cherokee.
Anyway. It is late and I am sleepy. My favorite musical time of the year is upon us currently and I have put together my very own quintessential holiday music binder with good old favorite songs. One is twelve hundred years old. And yesterday I learned the song O Christmas Tree. Oh my goodness. Those lyrics are amazing. This book of songs is quite a mix. Mostly songs I've grown up loving. I'm performing them both Saturday and Sunday. Doesn't matter where. I am excited to be absolutely present and sing from my heart for dear family as they prepare the holidays. Holy Days. See, you can't stop Christmas. The return of the Son I mean the sun. Be courageous.
There I was driving up Jefferson Street. My stick shift always suggests 4th gear and I am always hard pressed to shift because I'm afraid I'll go to fast. This seems like an apt analogy for my life. So far it has been a brilliant day here on earth. The light is shifting and I put a fire into the fire place to warm things up in that deep way that only the ancient art of wood burning can achieve. The gratitude I feel for all things keeps me grounded in the moment at hand. Sitting here on the couch I am wrapped in a green crochet blanket that we found at a fabulous estate sale this past spring. I remember I was getting back into jewelry making and I had started selling things at the Free Speech Plaza Market. Among the many great things I got at this estate sale were lots of lovely beads and pieces of jewelry that I thought I would dismantle and reuse but I have actually come to love them as they are. Without going further into it I will say estate sales were heavy to visit but helped me in the grieving of my father's death in March. Losing ego and attaching to God's unfolding path is the only way through all of this.
Life on life's terms. A myriad of givens like: things will always change. things will end. things do not go according to plan. life is not always fair. pain is part of life. people are not loving and loyal all the time. When I loosen my grip on how I wish or want the story of life to unfold...when I stop taking things personally...when I realize it is really ALL out of my hands and I show up and I sing then all is well. I played or busked at the local Farmers Market here yesterday. I played gentle songs, and political songs and covers and originals for an hour and half and I remembered who I am. Humbly I caught people's masked eyes and I could see joy. Then I joined Priyo and Gyspy Moon in a coast concert in Florence and we did the limbo twice! I limboed my boobs right under that limbo stick while playing rhythm on a ago-go. How did I miss the limbo in my life until now? I saw an old flame who asked me if I was married...which is always a nice compliment. But most of all I let life unfold. "Let life unfold, that's all there really is. Compromise out of love to give all that you can give."
Photo by Erin Daniels