Dear Diary, February 24, 2021
Good morning! I am in recovery from a phone conversation that came barreling into my world late last night. I wondered who would be calling so late. No one died. Well no, that's not true. I was told of a death in a very cold, insensitive way. And I was sorry to hear of the passing of an old classmate/boyfriend from the good old days. God rest you. That guy was ahead of his time listening to Pink Floyd The Wall before he'd even kissed me in front of the junior high. What a sweetheart and such a loss to his family. Suicide is real and can be circumnavigated by going deeper into pain. Have NO FEAR. Mostly what I want to share with you is that it takes a lot of energy to converse kindly with those we have deep differences with. However, I believe it is possible because hey there is literally NO ONE in the the entire world that shares ALL of my belief systems. So figuring out how to have patience and let go of the need to convince others to change their perspective takes grit my dear diary. I believe one thing that most people have in common is the deep desire to feel okay. The search for information in order to feel like things are moving toward peace is a very normal instinct. We sniff and smell the air. We look to the distance. We have brains that host fight or flight response. We are on the alert to maintain safety. Plain and simple. If and because we are constantly bombarded with behavior modifications from big-tech corrupt business' buying our data, buying our every move and influencing our choices and our deep belief systems by presenting us with information that offers safety up to us on a silver platter of vax-sin-nation and it is easy then people will gobble it up in order to 'feel' 'safe'. Maybe your PTSD is so deep that you can barely read a menu so being spoon fed mainstream influenced media via big tech socialized media is your comfort zone. I am NOT HERE to baby sit anyone's ignorance. I am kind as I stay on the phone for way too long being coerced by the limitations of an over simplified belief system. People have all the right in the world to 'claim' to care about me after gossiping once again with other people and then calling me to dis what they assume about my 'politics'. So now, I am in recovery. I love you Diary.
Good morning! I am in recovery from a phone conversation that came barreling into my world late last night. I wondered who would be calling so late. No one died. Well no, that's not true. I was told of a death in a very cold, insensitive way. And I was sorry to hear of the passing of an old classmate/boyfriend from the good old days. God rest you. That guy was ahead of his time listening to Pink Floyd The Wall before he'd even kissed me in front of the junior high. What a sweetheart and such a loss to his family. Suicide is real and can be circumnavigated by going deeper into pain. Have NO FEAR. Mostly what I want to share with you is that it takes a lot of energy to converse kindly with those we have deep differences with. However, I believe it is possible because hey there is literally NO ONE in the the entire world that shares ALL of my belief systems. So figuring out how to have patience and let go of the need to convince others to change their perspective takes grit my dear diary. I believe one thing that most people have in common is the deep desire to feel okay. The search for information in order to feel like things are moving toward peace is a very normal instinct. We sniff and smell the air. We look to the distance. We have brains that host fight or flight response. We are on the alert to maintain safety. Plain and simple. If and because we are constantly bombarded with behavior modifications from big-tech corrupt business' buying our data, buying our every move and influencing our choices and our deep belief systems by presenting us with information that offers safety up to us on a silver platter of vax-sin-nation and it is easy then people will gobble it up in order to 'feel' 'safe'. Maybe your PTSD is so deep that you can barely read a menu so being spoon fed mainstream influenced media via big tech socialized media is your comfort zone. I am NOT HERE to baby sit anyone's ignorance. I am kind as I stay on the phone for way too long being coerced by the limitations of an over simplified belief system. People have all the right in the world to 'claim' to care about me after gossiping once again with other people and then calling me to dis what they assume about my 'politics'. So now, I am in recovery. I love you Diary.
Dear Diary, February 16, 2021
what a life. Between binges on Kardashian lore there was a little field trip this evening to Electric Lettuce. At my age I just should not be suffering the throes of womanhood and yet today I was all up in arms with ye olde heating pad. To say the least possible, I sought direct relief with CBD, CBN and a pinch, a wee smudge of THC (edibles save lives) for good measure and for appropriate brain levels of cannabinoids. What can I say Diary? There was much meditation on loving kindness today. My mental state is generally quite grounded. I am in deep gratitude for all of the experiences and souls I have known over the past five or so years. (and beyond into the past.) Our similarities will always be stronger than our differences. Although we may not ever know it. Healing with each other is what this 'can be' all about and giving thanks is the key. Departure from socialized media is a true gift I give myself. Focusing on real world living in this sensual dream scape of life is incredibly satisfying. Today I walked quite a ways in the cool, late winter air and blue sky was above as the sun leaned into its setting. Upon my ears I wore noise canceling headphones and listened to a very cool meditation/radio/music show out of Portugal that is led by an Englishman named Burgs on Youtube. It was divine and there really is such joy afoot and I wanted to keep walking but the sun was starting to leave and I was getting cold. I am grateful today for clarity. Take care. Catch you on flip side.
what a life. Between binges on Kardashian lore there was a little field trip this evening to Electric Lettuce. At my age I just should not be suffering the throes of womanhood and yet today I was all up in arms with ye olde heating pad. To say the least possible, I sought direct relief with CBD, CBN and a pinch, a wee smudge of THC (edibles save lives) for good measure and for appropriate brain levels of cannabinoids. What can I say Diary? There was much meditation on loving kindness today. My mental state is generally quite grounded. I am in deep gratitude for all of the experiences and souls I have known over the past five or so years. (and beyond into the past.) Our similarities will always be stronger than our differences. Although we may not ever know it. Healing with each other is what this 'can be' all about and giving thanks is the key. Departure from socialized media is a true gift I give myself. Focusing on real world living in this sensual dream scape of life is incredibly satisfying. Today I walked quite a ways in the cool, late winter air and blue sky was above as the sun leaned into its setting. Upon my ears I wore noise canceling headphones and listened to a very cool meditation/radio/music show out of Portugal that is led by an Englishman named Burgs on Youtube. It was divine and there really is such joy afoot and I wanted to keep walking but the sun was starting to leave and I was getting cold. I am grateful today for clarity. Take care. Catch you on flip side.
Dear Diary, February 10, 2021
first off thanks for being here. In the past when hard things happened in my life, and I do mean hard. Like difficult, life changing, sad...those sorts of hard things. I knew despair. I knew despair in a deep way in which I thought not possible to endure in some cases. Knuckle biting endurance where time drips slowly and makes icicles on the gutters of my memories. Kind of like new memories being born but deformed and not easy to look at. These ugly babies grow up to be ugly old memories that can and do haunt my life due to the fact that I live in my home town. Anyway, the cover of the local paper (which I only get because my 85 year old hospicing father believes in the old black and white even though it isn't even locally owned any more) I digress... on the cover today is a story that made me cry. So many local businesses closed for good in my home town. I mean, I cry easily sometimes. I try so hard not to read the headlines each morning as I bring the 'news' paper and black coffee in to my papa. But life came swirling all together for a few seconds and I felt like I was in the depression era. I wonder if my neighbors are panicked? I wonder if the nonsense seems like sense? As I drove to and from the Pacific Ocean visit I had this past weekend I thought in poems. I wrote poems in my mind. A poem for my dead fiancé started something like this: His ashes are in my mouth, in my teeth. But really just in my memories. I live beyond some of the darkest times in my own history and I live beyond others who I have known and loved. I always wondered what it would feel like when my friends, family and lovers started dying. It all coincides with the isolation of what is called a pandemic. A world pandemic when very few true friends remain. None really. My point is this, just when I think I have endured it all and hard times were somehow survived. Actually those sad and lonely times were nothing compared to these current days.
first off thanks for being here. In the past when hard things happened in my life, and I do mean hard. Like difficult, life changing, sad...those sorts of hard things. I knew despair. I knew despair in a deep way in which I thought not possible to endure in some cases. Knuckle biting endurance where time drips slowly and makes icicles on the gutters of my memories. Kind of like new memories being born but deformed and not easy to look at. These ugly babies grow up to be ugly old memories that can and do haunt my life due to the fact that I live in my home town. Anyway, the cover of the local paper (which I only get because my 85 year old hospicing father believes in the old black and white even though it isn't even locally owned any more) I digress... on the cover today is a story that made me cry. So many local businesses closed for good in my home town. I mean, I cry easily sometimes. I try so hard not to read the headlines each morning as I bring the 'news' paper and black coffee in to my papa. But life came swirling all together for a few seconds and I felt like I was in the depression era. I wonder if my neighbors are panicked? I wonder if the nonsense seems like sense? As I drove to and from the Pacific Ocean visit I had this past weekend I thought in poems. I wrote poems in my mind. A poem for my dead fiancé started something like this: His ashes are in my mouth, in my teeth. But really just in my memories. I live beyond some of the darkest times in my own history and I live beyond others who I have known and loved. I always wondered what it would feel like when my friends, family and lovers started dying. It all coincides with the isolation of what is called a pandemic. A world pandemic when very few true friends remain. None really. My point is this, just when I think I have endured it all and hard times were somehow survived. Actually those sad and lonely times were nothing compared to these current days.
Dear Diary, February 1, 2021
what a lovely meal we just had in Springfield, Oregon at Along Came Trudy. The restaurant is located at 1499 18th avenue just past the hospital and behind the Bi-Mart. It's open from 7am-2pm daily. I got to meet Trudy and offer to perform on the stage there. I saw a lot of familiar faces. Familiar because they are human with smiles and expressions made by their facial muscles. What a concept. It was a human experience. It was normal. It was right and it was delicious. The tables are nicely set up and the decor is totally antique chic. The wait staff is friendly, kind and totally on top of things. I love blue cheese dressing with home fries and this place has it all and is delicious and it was brought to our table lickety split. So, if you are looking for an old fashioned mellow dine in experience this is your place. Be sure to shake Trudy Logan's hand because she is a current and cutting edge true hero.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/lane-county-restaurant-along-came-trudy-defies-oregon-governor-orders-prohibiting-indoor-dining/ar-BB1bS65G
what a lovely meal we just had in Springfield, Oregon at Along Came Trudy. The restaurant is located at 1499 18th avenue just past the hospital and behind the Bi-Mart. It's open from 7am-2pm daily. I got to meet Trudy and offer to perform on the stage there. I saw a lot of familiar faces. Familiar because they are human with smiles and expressions made by their facial muscles. What a concept. It was a human experience. It was normal. It was right and it was delicious. The tables are nicely set up and the decor is totally antique chic. The wait staff is friendly, kind and totally on top of things. I love blue cheese dressing with home fries and this place has it all and is delicious and it was brought to our table lickety split. So, if you are looking for an old fashioned mellow dine in experience this is your place. Be sure to shake Trudy Logan's hand because she is a current and cutting edge true hero.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/lane-county-restaurant-along-came-trudy-defies-oregon-governor-orders-prohibiting-indoor-dining/ar-BB1bS65G
Dear Diary, January 30, 2021
oh hello there. Bye bye January. Just hanging out on a Saturday morning trying to move forward. I've been doing some basic research into neurobiology and I am learning interesting things about fight or flight or lunge forward. Those are our 3 basic instincts from the center of our old genetics that have helped us survive for centuries as animals on our planet. Moving/lunging forward is a great bet for me these days. I've been meditating and sitting in hot water (106 degree hot tub) and generally getting better sleep although I had a couple nightmares last night. I have coffee in hand and I'm wearing Starr's red bathrobe. Starr died last year after a courageous battle with brain cancer. I prayed to God for her yesterday that her spirit be filled with light. We only have so long to live. As best I can I am forgiving myself and others for the chaotic turbulence that ravages our daily lives. My family is all I have now and I hope to continue to treasure what is left of life. I care for my dying father and I have had to suck up any need to be thanked for it. When we work hard caring for someone who is not happy and is not grateful it can wear on us. Last week I went to visit a sick friend and it mattered to her which felt really good although another friend is still holding a silent treatment grudge against me for running late. What can I say? It feels good to have someone actually be glad to receive my care. Thanks Paula. We can't please all of the people all of the time. ps. I found out later after writing this that today is Starr's birthday!!!!!!
oh hello there. Bye bye January. Just hanging out on a Saturday morning trying to move forward. I've been doing some basic research into neurobiology and I am learning interesting things about fight or flight or lunge forward. Those are our 3 basic instincts from the center of our old genetics that have helped us survive for centuries as animals on our planet. Moving/lunging forward is a great bet for me these days. I've been meditating and sitting in hot water (106 degree hot tub) and generally getting better sleep although I had a couple nightmares last night. I have coffee in hand and I'm wearing Starr's red bathrobe. Starr died last year after a courageous battle with brain cancer. I prayed to God for her yesterday that her spirit be filled with light. We only have so long to live. As best I can I am forgiving myself and others for the chaotic turbulence that ravages our daily lives. My family is all I have now and I hope to continue to treasure what is left of life. I care for my dying father and I have had to suck up any need to be thanked for it. When we work hard caring for someone who is not happy and is not grateful it can wear on us. Last week I went to visit a sick friend and it mattered to her which felt really good although another friend is still holding a silent treatment grudge against me for running late. What can I say? It feels good to have someone actually be glad to receive my care. Thanks Paula. We can't please all of the people all of the time. ps. I found out later after writing this that today is Starr's birthday!!!!!!
Dear Diary, January, 21, 2021
I just found a super playlist of jazz standards with the plethora of beautiful vocal stylings the likes of which I have not heard before. It made me pull out my playbook of standards from the good old days. Dare I work on a jazz album to release? Maybe. I just might. Today is January 21 and is an exactly one month since the Winter Solstice. Each day we are gaining more light and growth is upon us in this incredible garden we have here on earth's surface. A concrete jungle, if you will. Take time to venture out of the city. Even gaining elevation is a brilliant perspective. We folks here in Eugene have a sweet butte to drive up and view sunsets from deep under the tall trees. I've been coming up this Skinner's Butte as it's called, for neigh over five decades. I've literally seen these trees grow for a lifetime. Looking down from a vista onto your home town... is a stellar experience. I saw all the cars moving around on the streets below and I could see how if we aren't careful we'll end up chasing our own tails/tales. Here's to my uncle Jake "Gerald" "Jerry" Jacobson. May he rest in eternal peace in heaven holding to God's giant hand. I remember being on the butte one day when I was ten years old with Uncle Jake and his new love Mark. Photo proof. And remember: All Deaths Matter. What will the first Jazz song be??? I think I'll try "Funny Valentine" with Mac on cello today.
I just found a super playlist of jazz standards with the plethora of beautiful vocal stylings the likes of which I have not heard before. It made me pull out my playbook of standards from the good old days. Dare I work on a jazz album to release? Maybe. I just might. Today is January 21 and is an exactly one month since the Winter Solstice. Each day we are gaining more light and growth is upon us in this incredible garden we have here on earth's surface. A concrete jungle, if you will. Take time to venture out of the city. Even gaining elevation is a brilliant perspective. We folks here in Eugene have a sweet butte to drive up and view sunsets from deep under the tall trees. I've been coming up this Skinner's Butte as it's called, for neigh over five decades. I've literally seen these trees grow for a lifetime. Looking down from a vista onto your home town... is a stellar experience. I saw all the cars moving around on the streets below and I could see how if we aren't careful we'll end up chasing our own tails/tales. Here's to my uncle Jake "Gerald" "Jerry" Jacobson. May he rest in eternal peace in heaven holding to God's giant hand. I remember being on the butte one day when I was ten years old with Uncle Jake and his new love Mark. Photo proof. And remember: All Deaths Matter. What will the first Jazz song be??? I think I'll try "Funny Valentine" with Mac on cello today.
Dear Diary, January 20, 2021
I am glad to be writing to you yet again. Just now I sit drinking a tall glass of Pinot Noir from Mazzi's. I just ate some to go ravioli that I ordered for dad and then I didn't have room to start eating the calzone. The garlic bread made with rustic bread holy Lord, it was to die for. We ordered on the phone from up at the Dragonfly House and then went to pick it up. They had their interior gas fire going so we cozied up to it while we waited for our own personal take home order. I love Mazzi's italian all the way. I was hoping to get one of their white long sleeve shirts with that cool sun on it but they haven't had that one for years I'm sure. Turns out the Hideaway Bakery is going to be incorporated into the restaurant. Dude, I mean Diary, that bakery is so good. They have this one roll like a cinnamon roll but made with cardamom. It is amazingly good. I left with the glass of wine in my hand. A willamette valley Pinot. God bless and keep us. I am beginning to work with a cellist tomorrow. The song I am working on now is a newer one called: "Part of Time" and the video will feature hummingbirds AND A LIVE CELLIST!!!! ps. Diary, I have washed the glass and I will return it this evening with a nice tip in it.
I am glad to be writing to you yet again. Just now I sit drinking a tall glass of Pinot Noir from Mazzi's. I just ate some to go ravioli that I ordered for dad and then I didn't have room to start eating the calzone. The garlic bread made with rustic bread holy Lord, it was to die for. We ordered on the phone from up at the Dragonfly House and then went to pick it up. They had their interior gas fire going so we cozied up to it while we waited for our own personal take home order. I love Mazzi's italian all the way. I was hoping to get one of their white long sleeve shirts with that cool sun on it but they haven't had that one for years I'm sure. Turns out the Hideaway Bakery is going to be incorporated into the restaurant. Dude, I mean Diary, that bakery is so good. They have this one roll like a cinnamon roll but made with cardamom. It is amazingly good. I left with the glass of wine in my hand. A willamette valley Pinot. God bless and keep us. I am beginning to work with a cellist tomorrow. The song I am working on now is a newer one called: "Part of Time" and the video will feature hummingbirds AND A LIVE CELLIST!!!! ps. Diary, I have washed the glass and I will return it this evening with a nice tip in it.
Dear Diary, January 17, 2021
Hello again. One of my very best friends (known since I was eleven) is leaving Canada by helicopter at 3:30 am her time. She's trying to get back across the boarder before shit really hits the fan. She'll be landing in Buffalo, NY and then driving to her home in California. Long story short, she has dual citizenship and was waiting on visa's for her family. I'd say it's the nick of time. Although driving across the USA during these weird days when both political parties seem to be in a state of insurrection...or misdirection or discombobulation... I am worried though. We've been in touch again for quite awhile and supporting each other from a far. She has her finger on the pulse of international news. So many things are changing all around the world. These past few days though I am really questioning everything. I don't feel there is much information to be trusted NO MATTER what you may think is the state of life as we know it in the world. I am questioning everything and I am remaining way more neutral as I come to see that not very many things are making sense. Talk to you soon Diary. Thanks for being here.
Hello again. One of my very best friends (known since I was eleven) is leaving Canada by helicopter at 3:30 am her time. She's trying to get back across the boarder before shit really hits the fan. She'll be landing in Buffalo, NY and then driving to her home in California. Long story short, she has dual citizenship and was waiting on visa's for her family. I'd say it's the nick of time. Although driving across the USA during these weird days when both political parties seem to be in a state of insurrection...or misdirection or discombobulation... I am worried though. We've been in touch again for quite awhile and supporting each other from a far. She has her finger on the pulse of international news. So many things are changing all around the world. These past few days though I am really questioning everything. I don't feel there is much information to be trusted NO MATTER what you may think is the state of life as we know it in the world. I am questioning everything and I am remaining way more neutral as I come to see that not very many things are making sense. Talk to you soon Diary. Thanks for being here.
Dear Diary, January 15, 2021
This concept of new normal sucks. This past week has sucked. I got my hair died a dark burgundy red. That's not what feels crappy though. I made a big mistake this year that cost me, at least in my own mind it cost me connection to people who I thought were like family to me but actually they really weren't like family. There was just too much unresolved funk and inflamed anger and differing political perspectives. I am so sick of losing people I care about just because we are clinging desperately to the floating carnage of what is left of our country after covid 19 came through and killed our middle class. I don't really care who you want to blame or what you want to believe in. I don't care if you think no lives matter. I just don't care anymore. The cost has been too great. I wonder if it was all meant to be after all and that shedding people that in some cases I have literally known almost all of my life was meant to happen and that the sluggish weight of the past is gone for a reason. A lot of that karma just wasn't mine. Never was mine. Period. The past just doesn't matter and I don't care now. I don't care. I will block and delete and collapse the past. I am sick of people's drug addictions, their political opinions, their cold hearted public slander, their pains, their agonies--- all of it. I am sick of it. My story matters. My way of looking at things is all I have.
This concept of new normal sucks. This past week has sucked. I got my hair died a dark burgundy red. That's not what feels crappy though. I made a big mistake this year that cost me, at least in my own mind it cost me connection to people who I thought were like family to me but actually they really weren't like family. There was just too much unresolved funk and inflamed anger and differing political perspectives. I am so sick of losing people I care about just because we are clinging desperately to the floating carnage of what is left of our country after covid 19 came through and killed our middle class. I don't really care who you want to blame or what you want to believe in. I don't care if you think no lives matter. I just don't care anymore. The cost has been too great. I wonder if it was all meant to be after all and that shedding people that in some cases I have literally known almost all of my life was meant to happen and that the sluggish weight of the past is gone for a reason. A lot of that karma just wasn't mine. Never was mine. Period. The past just doesn't matter and I don't care now. I don't care. I will block and delete and collapse the past. I am sick of people's drug addictions, their political opinions, their cold hearted public slander, their pains, their agonies--- all of it. I am sick of it. My story matters. My way of looking at things is all I have.
Dear Diary, January 12, 2021
If you are reading this it's because somehow or another you managed to find this random website. Some horrible things seem to be happening and context is missing. After forty years of what I thought was friendship I am hard pressed to say goodbye to people who slander and mis-represent facts. We must consider the whole story if we are to even have a chance at understanding. More importantly what even really matters now that the world is coming apart at the 'seems' and seams. Not only that, but karma of people dead and alive, whether it be residual or in the flesh, those karmas are here to stay. Navigation through turbulent waters is never easy. Man overboard!
If you are reading this it's because somehow or another you managed to find this random website. Some horrible things seem to be happening and context is missing. After forty years of what I thought was friendship I am hard pressed to say goodbye to people who slander and mis-represent facts. We must consider the whole story if we are to even have a chance at understanding. More importantly what even really matters now that the world is coming apart at the 'seems' and seams. Not only that, but karma of people dead and alive, whether it be residual or in the flesh, those karmas are here to stay. Navigation through turbulent waters is never easy. Man overboard!
Dear Diary, January 9, 2021
oh hello there! It's been so long. I've just been doing my usual things and living my best life. The footage I have been shooting on my GoPro made its way into a video yesterday. Being downtown was lovely. It's morning here in my birthplace in Oregon. The sun is shining and the bird seed cafe out back is hopping. Literally. Even though grey skies are here and the world is collapsing I feel good. One day at a time always. My dad's oxygen machine heaves in and out. An iron lung in the bedroom where he lays. He reads the good old newspaper and I don't tell him of the things I am seeing in alternative news media. It's just not worth explaining. I want him to be peaceful as he rests in hospice and for the most part the news he reads is timid. He is lucky to be virtually deaf. It makes my life harder in caring for him but he doesn't have to hear the fall of our country that is happening. Some folks think it's all going well and that our system of government is here to protect us. I personally am not so sure anymore. I get news from the inside of Canada and I hear things about the boarder walls in the South coming down soon. I pray for children most of all and I lose people I thought were my friends. I've been to loose with term friendship. I've thrown so many pearls to the pigs.
oh hello there! It's been so long. I've just been doing my usual things and living my best life. The footage I have been shooting on my GoPro made its way into a video yesterday. Being downtown was lovely. It's morning here in my birthplace in Oregon. The sun is shining and the bird seed cafe out back is hopping. Literally. Even though grey skies are here and the world is collapsing I feel good. One day at a time always. My dad's oxygen machine heaves in and out. An iron lung in the bedroom where he lays. He reads the good old newspaper and I don't tell him of the things I am seeing in alternative news media. It's just not worth explaining. I want him to be peaceful as he rests in hospice and for the most part the news he reads is timid. He is lucky to be virtually deaf. It makes my life harder in caring for him but he doesn't have to hear the fall of our country that is happening. Some folks think it's all going well and that our system of government is here to protect us. I personally am not so sure anymore. I get news from the inside of Canada and I hear things about the boarder walls in the South coming down soon. I pray for children most of all and I lose people I thought were my friends. I've been to loose with term friendship. I've thrown so many pearls to the pigs.
Dear Diary, Dec. 28, 2020
Greetings and salutations to you! Good day indeed. I went to the country and spent sometime on location filming for my next video. My friend Jennifer (from my Seattle days in 1992) and I have stayed in touch. She invited me out to where she boards her beautiful 19 year old gelding named Magic. There were so many incredible horses there neighing and being delightful in the early winter, cold air just past the grounds where the Oregon Country Fair doesn't seem to happen anymore. Lovely time that inspired new video footage and the will for me to record a song called: Little Bit of Faith and Hope which I wrote about a small town in Oregon called Burnt Woods. There was a music festival there for 3 or 4 years run by Jim Kasner on his families farm. I went out there a few times when he was building the stage and running a bridge across his creek for his dream festival before his mom passed away. Hand lumbered hard wood. It found its way into my song.
Greetings and salutations to you! Good day indeed. I went to the country and spent sometime on location filming for my next video. My friend Jennifer (from my Seattle days in 1992) and I have stayed in touch. She invited me out to where she boards her beautiful 19 year old gelding named Magic. There were so many incredible horses there neighing and being delightful in the early winter, cold air just past the grounds where the Oregon Country Fair doesn't seem to happen anymore. Lovely time that inspired new video footage and the will for me to record a song called: Little Bit of Faith and Hope which I wrote about a small town in Oregon called Burnt Woods. There was a music festival there for 3 or 4 years run by Jim Kasner on his families farm. I went out there a few times when he was building the stage and running a bridge across his creek for his dream festival before his mom passed away. Hand lumbered hard wood. It found its way into my song.
Dear Diary, Dec. 22, 2020
just ordered pasta from Pastini to be delivered by Grubhub. Good times. The Corona era continues with no human contact and destruction of our economy. Without a middle class a Democratic Capitalist society cannot survive. I wish we could re-open. People are going to die either way. But we don't want to over run the hospitals with all the 'deaths' that tests positive for Covid19...even if they die from something other than a virus. But here's the thing, we are all tired of talking about and hearing about unconstitutional lockdowns. We just stay cozy here at home. Anyway, I am looking forward to the calamari that I ordered and the spicy shrimp fettuccine YUM-ville folks. Went live on-line with some songs last night and couldn't get over the 'in love with self' state of my cohorts. People suck. I am tired of people that are in love and obsessed with themselves. I don't care anymore. Nothing matters. So, I'm going back to being self-centered. I'm creating my own bubble. Meditation. Long walks. Dancing in the living room. Painting. Maybe shooting some more videos. If I offend someone... what's new?
just ordered pasta from Pastini to be delivered by Grubhub. Good times. The Corona era continues with no human contact and destruction of our economy. Without a middle class a Democratic Capitalist society cannot survive. I wish we could re-open. People are going to die either way. But we don't want to over run the hospitals with all the 'deaths' that tests positive for Covid19...even if they die from something other than a virus. But here's the thing, we are all tired of talking about and hearing about unconstitutional lockdowns. We just stay cozy here at home. Anyway, I am looking forward to the calamari that I ordered and the spicy shrimp fettuccine YUM-ville folks. Went live on-line with some songs last night and couldn't get over the 'in love with self' state of my cohorts. People suck. I am tired of people that are in love and obsessed with themselves. I don't care anymore. Nothing matters. So, I'm going back to being self-centered. I'm creating my own bubble. Meditation. Long walks. Dancing in the living room. Painting. Maybe shooting some more videos. If I offend someone... what's new?
Dear Diary, Dec. 17, 2020
Advent harkens from an ancient time that we revisit in Christianity with celebration, prayers and music. These are somber days truly as we are patient with the darkness burning candles, fires and bringing light into our homes with decorated trees and lights. This morning I am up early with a pot of tea listening to the cars outside driving on the slick, rained on cement. Our only truth is how we are in the world. Our only truth is the air we breathe, what we look at , what we touch, how we think, our self compassion and the kindness we muster to show to those around us. Our real truth is right outside our door. The world unfolds with birds singing, winds whistling, skies of grey and blue and the deep breaths we can take as we move with grace into and through life. I wax poetic here but it's because we aren't conquered and divided if we find peace in our own moments. I can't see your smile with your mask on. And you can't see mine. People turn their gazes quickly away and people are no longer being together in our struggle. Don't stop smiling. Pull your mask away.
Advent harkens from an ancient time that we revisit in Christianity with celebration, prayers and music. These are somber days truly as we are patient with the darkness burning candles, fires and bringing light into our homes with decorated trees and lights. This morning I am up early with a pot of tea listening to the cars outside driving on the slick, rained on cement. Our only truth is how we are in the world. Our only truth is the air we breathe, what we look at , what we touch, how we think, our self compassion and the kindness we muster to show to those around us. Our real truth is right outside our door. The world unfolds with birds singing, winds whistling, skies of grey and blue and the deep breaths we can take as we move with grace into and through life. I wax poetic here but it's because we aren't conquered and divided if we find peace in our own moments. I can't see your smile with your mask on. And you can't see mine. People turn their gazes quickly away and people are no longer being together in our struggle. Don't stop smiling. Pull your mask away.
Dear Diary, Dec. 13, 2020
it is Sunday here and the wind chime sounds lovely on the front porch as I drink green tea and watch Unity of the Valley's Sunday service with a live cellist playing Christmas songs. HELLO! So nice. Feeling more centered this morning. The sun was shining bright yesterday as I put on my high black boots, grabbed my mandolin and set out to spread some cheer. Walking in an open air downtown alley along side the Eugene Saturday Market where they have set up an outdoor holiday market I was heard strumming my mandolin and figuring out the words and the chords to the 12 Days of Christmas ON THE SPOT. I stood in the street because the market is not allowing any live music on the property that they rent from the city. Many gazes came my way as musical strains flowed from my chilled fingers on the cold late fall morning heading towards the Winter Solstice. I found my friend Miranda selling her yummy ganja brownies and salves. I played music with Dave on harmonica and he gave me a tiny stem from a magic mushroom to put into my hot spiced tea that a nice lady was offering people and I played about six songs and felt people appreciating music. Bringing music out into the world felt nice. I noticed people with and without masks on their faces. The mushroom was subtle at best. I was so full of a bliss that was stronger than the Psilocybin medicine. tmi ? It sounds like I am running around doing drugs! When in Rome...
it is Sunday here and the wind chime sounds lovely on the front porch as I drink green tea and watch Unity of the Valley's Sunday service with a live cellist playing Christmas songs. HELLO! So nice. Feeling more centered this morning. The sun was shining bright yesterday as I put on my high black boots, grabbed my mandolin and set out to spread some cheer. Walking in an open air downtown alley along side the Eugene Saturday Market where they have set up an outdoor holiday market I was heard strumming my mandolin and figuring out the words and the chords to the 12 Days of Christmas ON THE SPOT. I stood in the street because the market is not allowing any live music on the property that they rent from the city. Many gazes came my way as musical strains flowed from my chilled fingers on the cold late fall morning heading towards the Winter Solstice. I found my friend Miranda selling her yummy ganja brownies and salves. I played music with Dave on harmonica and he gave me a tiny stem from a magic mushroom to put into my hot spiced tea that a nice lady was offering people and I played about six songs and felt people appreciating music. Bringing music out into the world felt nice. I noticed people with and without masks on their faces. The mushroom was subtle at best. I was so full of a bliss that was stronger than the Psilocybin medicine. tmi ? It sounds like I am running around doing drugs! When in Rome...
Dear Diary, Dec. 9, 2020
life really is amazing. Staying in the moment, the present moment...that is the struggle and that is what is being hijacked by media. All media. Anything that takes you away from your immediate reality of now. Even now, while your are reading this diary entry you are reading about my life and not quite living your own. Maybe you go on
Facebook and toy with feeling like your perspective matters to someone/anyone. Whatever you post, be it a photo of your mom, or your daughter or you with your perfect hair or maybe it's a political point of view that makes you feel righteous and like you are actually going to influence someone's thinking...no matter what it is you are doing EVEN me right now writing this shit here on this website, yes even that is distraction from the moment. Our reality is subtlety under attack. Why do we keep giving the moments of our precious life away? Go outside. Get some sunlight in your eyes or some snow on your eye lashes. Don't let anyone steal your life. Go to hell communism.
life really is amazing. Staying in the moment, the present moment...that is the struggle and that is what is being hijacked by media. All media. Anything that takes you away from your immediate reality of now. Even now, while your are reading this diary entry you are reading about my life and not quite living your own. Maybe you go on
Facebook and toy with feeling like your perspective matters to someone/anyone. Whatever you post, be it a photo of your mom, or your daughter or you with your perfect hair or maybe it's a political point of view that makes you feel righteous and like you are actually going to influence someone's thinking...no matter what it is you are doing EVEN me right now writing this shit here on this website, yes even that is distraction from the moment. Our reality is subtlety under attack. Why do we keep giving the moments of our precious life away? Go outside. Get some sunlight in your eyes or some snow on your eye lashes. Don't let anyone steal your life. Go to hell communism.
Dear Diary, Dec. 5, 2020
well December is moving slow like molasses it seems. Yesterday, inspite of the perfect and traditional Christmas tree that is lit up in the corner of the living room it just doesn't quite feel like Christmas time. I keep waking up really early and generally that is alright because I light candles and meditate. Today though I woke up and the litany of world issues crashed down hard on my psyche. My son, who is now in online college and has hopes to be a lawyer someday has lost his part time job for the time being as the current Covid lockdown has his restaurant closed. He was talking about finding a different job but as we pursued the idea he realized that there just is no one really hiring. He is keeping his spirts up and I just wonder at the slow decline of our state and our country. And who is president? And what happened to fair elections? And where is hope? And why is there no support package yet? And where did all the homeless people go?
well December is moving slow like molasses it seems. Yesterday, inspite of the perfect and traditional Christmas tree that is lit up in the corner of the living room it just doesn't quite feel like Christmas time. I keep waking up really early and generally that is alright because I light candles and meditate. Today though I woke up and the litany of world issues crashed down hard on my psyche. My son, who is now in online college and has hopes to be a lawyer someday has lost his part time job for the time being as the current Covid lockdown has his restaurant closed. He was talking about finding a different job but as we pursued the idea he realized that there just is no one really hiring. He is keeping his spirts up and I just wonder at the slow decline of our state and our country. And who is president? And what happened to fair elections? And where is hope? And why is there no support package yet? And where did all the homeless people go?
Dear Diary, Nov. 27, 2020
it's Friday. As in black Friday. Spent one of the best Thanksgivings here at home with my immediate family and my best friends. We pulled a little table into my 84 year old dad's room and ate turkey and all the trimmings with my family gathered round. We had dad say a prayer and we toasted to each other with sparkling cider. Later after the sun went down my bestie came over and we sang carols next to the fire. Christmas is coming. Winter Solstice will come with a return of the light. Doing good things for people and taking care of loved ones in the key. I hope to go sing outside of old folks homes under windows and outside bringing in a sense of hope, love and joy through music. It's cold outside and I worry about those people who are struggling. Most of all I give the deepest thanks for all that I have. The blessings are real. Merry Christmas everyone. ps. My birthday is Tuesday Dec. 1st. Yay!!
it's Friday. As in black Friday. Spent one of the best Thanksgivings here at home with my immediate family and my best friends. We pulled a little table into my 84 year old dad's room and ate turkey and all the trimmings with my family gathered round. We had dad say a prayer and we toasted to each other with sparkling cider. Later after the sun went down my bestie came over and we sang carols next to the fire. Christmas is coming. Winter Solstice will come with a return of the light. Doing good things for people and taking care of loved ones in the key. I hope to go sing outside of old folks homes under windows and outside bringing in a sense of hope, love and joy through music. It's cold outside and I worry about those people who are struggling. Most of all I give the deepest thanks for all that I have. The blessings are real. Merry Christmas everyone. ps. My birthday is Tuesday Dec. 1st. Yay!!
Dear Diary, Nov. 22, 2020
It feels like only yesterday that this lock-down-up began here in the Southern Willamette valley USA. There are people walking together everywhere in streets now. We are jovial, kind and caring. We are beautiful, well and in love. We are children, adults and animals everywhere on our good Eugene City streets. Raking leaves, walking dogs, folks are all experiencing an inner peace. It can be felt in the air around us all. We are chatting. We are calm. And at the end of the day we are Americans. I put on a moon stone that Dolly Zang gave me in 2009. She died just after my return to Eugene in 2014 or 2015. I felt her near me just now as I put on the stone. I realize that there is not much between life and death. Well, of course there's living! Even if only for a short while. God bless the unborn children. I could almost reach across to where Dolly was for just a split second as I was thinking of her. It was that simple. Those we've loved and that have passed on, passed away are dead, those folks are as close to us now as our thought of them. Maybe they are brushing against us from another world. Maybe they are wrapping invisible arms around us. Maybe they cradle us in our sleep. And maybe they help us wipe our tears. Maybe they hold our hearts in peace. Maybe.
It feels like only yesterday that this lock-down-up began here in the Southern Willamette valley USA. There are people walking together everywhere in streets now. We are jovial, kind and caring. We are beautiful, well and in love. We are children, adults and animals everywhere on our good Eugene City streets. Raking leaves, walking dogs, folks are all experiencing an inner peace. It can be felt in the air around us all. We are chatting. We are calm. And at the end of the day we are Americans. I put on a moon stone that Dolly Zang gave me in 2009. She died just after my return to Eugene in 2014 or 2015. I felt her near me just now as I put on the stone. I realize that there is not much between life and death. Well, of course there's living! Even if only for a short while. God bless the unborn children. I could almost reach across to where Dolly was for just a split second as I was thinking of her. It was that simple. Those we've loved and that have passed on, passed away are dead, those folks are as close to us now as our thought of them. Maybe they are brushing against us from another world. Maybe they are wrapping invisible arms around us. Maybe they cradle us in our sleep. And maybe they help us wipe our tears. Maybe they hold our hearts in peace. Maybe.
Dear Diary, Nov. 18, 2020
danced my cares away last night. It was lockdown eve here in Eugene and it did not go unrecognized. The Veteran's club saw us through as usual and we hit the floor dancing, shaking our hair down, lifting our arms and reveling in the joy that live music brings. Remember live music? It's where when you stand right in front of the stage you can feel the amplified electric guitar move through your body and the drum kit makes your legs move and your feet lift off of the ground while the bass notes played vibrate deep into your bones. There is nothing like it on earth. The pure moment of now falling into time with the musical expression. Nothing could stop my satisfaction. Nothing. No weird looks from jealous new girlfriends. No worrying eyes of boyfriends liquored up on whiskey just to lose the worry of the world. Folks were drinking all sorts of drinks. Not me though. All I wanted to do was dance. My best friend was with me and my dearest husband and we stayed as long as we could. God bless live music and dancing. Saved my soul for another day.
danced my cares away last night. It was lockdown eve here in Eugene and it did not go unrecognized. The Veteran's club saw us through as usual and we hit the floor dancing, shaking our hair down, lifting our arms and reveling in the joy that live music brings. Remember live music? It's where when you stand right in front of the stage you can feel the amplified electric guitar move through your body and the drum kit makes your legs move and your feet lift off of the ground while the bass notes played vibrate deep into your bones. There is nothing like it on earth. The pure moment of now falling into time with the musical expression. Nothing could stop my satisfaction. Nothing. No weird looks from jealous new girlfriends. No worrying eyes of boyfriends liquored up on whiskey just to lose the worry of the world. Folks were drinking all sorts of drinks. Not me though. All I wanted to do was dance. My best friend was with me and my dearest husband and we stayed as long as we could. God bless live music and dancing. Saved my soul for another day.
Dear Diary, Nov. 14, 2020
got candles lit here early as daylight savings is synonymous with candles for me. Some beats are playing on the Roku and I am feeling better than I have in a long time. Even with all that is going on in this world right now I am still managing to enjoy this amazing and awesome life experience. It was stormy yesterday here and I put a fire in the fire place and that kept the rain and wind at bay. Been meditating a lot lately and living a good, clean life with my family and my truest friends. Music today will be charming and surrounded by art and art community at the Galleria. In Oregon we are headed into another mandated lockdown in my county. You'll see my smiling face walking about in my neighborhood at least and I will, as usual avoid stores to the best of my ability. I do worry for all of the smaller business's that have kept their doors barely open and their staff barely paid as this will hit hard. It is said that it will end on December 2nd but I remember that first lockdown lasted... well a long and treacherous time here in Oregon. I keep praying directly to God. One party politics=God.
got candles lit here early as daylight savings is synonymous with candles for me. Some beats are playing on the Roku and I am feeling better than I have in a long time. Even with all that is going on in this world right now I am still managing to enjoy this amazing and awesome life experience. It was stormy yesterday here and I put a fire in the fire place and that kept the rain and wind at bay. Been meditating a lot lately and living a good, clean life with my family and my truest friends. Music today will be charming and surrounded by art and art community at the Galleria. In Oregon we are headed into another mandated lockdown in my county. You'll see my smiling face walking about in my neighborhood at least and I will, as usual avoid stores to the best of my ability. I do worry for all of the smaller business's that have kept their doors barely open and their staff barely paid as this will hit hard. It is said that it will end on December 2nd but I remember that first lockdown lasted... well a long and treacherous time here in Oregon. I keep praying directly to God. One party politics=God.
Dearest Diary, Oct. 28, 2020
I wanted to tell you that I had an amazing experience just two days ago. We were driving out to Blue River here in Oregon where last month there was a forest fire that burned over one million acres. It also consumed 430 homes which displaced many people and left Highway 126 above the fire line a complete loss with fireplace chimneys everywhere and burned out cars left abandoned. It was really something. On the way there we stopped just outside of Springfield along the McKenzie River at a park that I recall from my childhood. And low and behold right away I was aware of spiritual presence as my memories from being three or four years old came rushing back to me. I could feel my Great Grandmother's presence. I could feel her there and I felt between worlds with the way the sunlight was sparkling and the worldly heaven was gathered all around and my life now embraced my elder's spirit right there and then. It was amazing. I have photos from the day in the early 1970's when my family, Mother, Father, Grandfather and Great-grandmother all came to this very spot along the river. I know it sounds odd and impossible. I want you to believe me though. It was tremendous one way or the other.
I wanted to tell you that I had an amazing experience just two days ago. We were driving out to Blue River here in Oregon where last month there was a forest fire that burned over one million acres. It also consumed 430 homes which displaced many people and left Highway 126 above the fire line a complete loss with fireplace chimneys everywhere and burned out cars left abandoned. It was really something. On the way there we stopped just outside of Springfield along the McKenzie River at a park that I recall from my childhood. And low and behold right away I was aware of spiritual presence as my memories from being three or four years old came rushing back to me. I could feel my Great Grandmother's presence. I could feel her there and I felt between worlds with the way the sunlight was sparkling and the worldly heaven was gathered all around and my life now embraced my elder's spirit right there and then. It was amazing. I have photos from the day in the early 1970's when my family, Mother, Father, Grandfather and Great-grandmother all came to this very spot along the river. I know it sounds odd and impossible. I want you to believe me though. It was tremendous one way or the other.
Dear Diary, Oct. 23, 2020
you must think I am missing in action! What to say? Last night I put our first fire of the season in our fireplace. It makes this 1923 house so very cozy. I am grateful to say that all seems well. I have my ups and downs just like everyone else. Whenever I feel sad I take a little CBD and practice breathing. The good news is that I have been doing this cool ten minute meditation which often turns into 20 minutes or more if I have the time. It's on Youtube and it's called meditation for anxiety. My childhood best friend Lexi had to return to Canada as they wait for her husband and her son's visa's. It's getting harder to come and go out of Canada. They are in an alarming state of socialist or dare I say communist take over. According to Lexi there are Chinese troops in Canada now. I bet they are going to try to descend on the USA. It could all be here-say. But she did send along a strange video of marching Chinese troops. We've known each other since 1977 or so. She is one of the smartest people I know and she takes a lot of time to research as she comes to her conclusions. I pray she makes it back into the US to her home in California after the new year. ps. We are carving pumpkins tomorrow in the back yard. Traditions must be adhered to.
you must think I am missing in action! What to say? Last night I put our first fire of the season in our fireplace. It makes this 1923 house so very cozy. I am grateful to say that all seems well. I have my ups and downs just like everyone else. Whenever I feel sad I take a little CBD and practice breathing. The good news is that I have been doing this cool ten minute meditation which often turns into 20 minutes or more if I have the time. It's on Youtube and it's called meditation for anxiety. My childhood best friend Lexi had to return to Canada as they wait for her husband and her son's visa's. It's getting harder to come and go out of Canada. They are in an alarming state of socialist or dare I say communist take over. According to Lexi there are Chinese troops in Canada now. I bet they are going to try to descend on the USA. It could all be here-say. But she did send along a strange video of marching Chinese troops. We've known each other since 1977 or so. She is one of the smartest people I know and she takes a lot of time to research as she comes to her conclusions. I pray she makes it back into the US to her home in California after the new year. ps. We are carving pumpkins tomorrow in the back yard. Traditions must be adhered to.
Dear Diary, Oct. 16, 2020
yesterday was such a full day. I cast red poppy seeds and Shasta daisy seeds in the alley next to our house so that next spring hopefully they will grow and bloom. We can plant seeds now for the future. We can craft our story to unfold and manifest in ways that are both delightful and good. A man came from the country and brought a nice big cord of wood cut to fit into our fire place. I was thinking ahead to winter and when it's cold and we are stoking fires, burning candles, making soup, reading good books, playing music and card games and listening to music and watching movies and just plain enjoying our time as our hemisphere of the earth meanders through winter. We have time. Some say time is all we have. So I look forward and I plant seeds. Because it's not bad, all this 'life' stuff. There are silver linings on every cloud if you look at the sky in just the right way. Also, I found a cool ten minute meditation on Youtube. He talks about stress coming from our need to control things and our panic and most importantly our judgements. He encourages letting judgements fall away. Let things and life exist without my judgements. Relax, be ready and live. We can smile at everything. Let go of talking and telling stories that keep things in bad energy cycles. Re-tell and let go. Facts make there own way to our hearts and then we release. Breathe. Let go.
yesterday was such a full day. I cast red poppy seeds and Shasta daisy seeds in the alley next to our house so that next spring hopefully they will grow and bloom. We can plant seeds now for the future. We can craft our story to unfold and manifest in ways that are both delightful and good. A man came from the country and brought a nice big cord of wood cut to fit into our fire place. I was thinking ahead to winter and when it's cold and we are stoking fires, burning candles, making soup, reading good books, playing music and card games and listening to music and watching movies and just plain enjoying our time as our hemisphere of the earth meanders through winter. We have time. Some say time is all we have. So I look forward and I plant seeds. Because it's not bad, all this 'life' stuff. There are silver linings on every cloud if you look at the sky in just the right way. Also, I found a cool ten minute meditation on Youtube. He talks about stress coming from our need to control things and our panic and most importantly our judgements. He encourages letting judgements fall away. Let things and life exist without my judgements. Relax, be ready and live. We can smile at everything. Let go of talking and telling stories that keep things in bad energy cycles. Re-tell and let go. Facts make there own way to our hearts and then we release. Breathe. Let go.
Dear Diary, Oct. 14, 2020
first off...hooray I booked a deluxe gel pedicure for myself at 1:30. And I do mean deluxe. I'll sit there in that massage chair and let someone scrub, scrape, massage and paint my feet! I am very excited for this little bit of self-care. On another note my nephew Skylar just called from the road. He is driving all around the USA and he hit Vermont at the perfect time to see the crisp air change the color of all the deciduous trees. He is literally rolling into Nashville as I type here. He got to cruise around in Florida and hit the beaches there. I am exceedingly jealous. He said to come join him but then he remembered that I am caring for Grandpa Bob in hospice here and I can't go running off into our good country. What a historic time to be going around the country. All those Americans getting ready to cast votes in our free country. The world loves America. Our constitution and all it stands for as we forge our own country is a beacon of power for the people, by the people. May it always be so. I think maybe I'll go for red white and blue polish on my toes... LOL probably not. So take care dear diary. I love you.
first off...hooray I booked a deluxe gel pedicure for myself at 1:30. And I do mean deluxe. I'll sit there in that massage chair and let someone scrub, scrape, massage and paint my feet! I am very excited for this little bit of self-care. On another note my nephew Skylar just called from the road. He is driving all around the USA and he hit Vermont at the perfect time to see the crisp air change the color of all the deciduous trees. He is literally rolling into Nashville as I type here. He got to cruise around in Florida and hit the beaches there. I am exceedingly jealous. He said to come join him but then he remembered that I am caring for Grandpa Bob in hospice here and I can't go running off into our good country. What a historic time to be going around the country. All those Americans getting ready to cast votes in our free country. The world loves America. Our constitution and all it stands for as we forge our own country is a beacon of power for the people, by the people. May it always be so. I think maybe I'll go for red white and blue polish on my toes... LOL probably not. So take care dear diary. I love you.
Dear Diary, Oct. 12, 2020
it is dawning on my that very few people even read this. And that's alright actually because I write it for myself. If anyone sees it they are a little bit lucky. I don't make everyone happy. I am troubled by the world and by the choices I see people make. Communication is, as they say, a two way street. And sometimes it's a four way street with stop signs all around and you show up to safely cross and you have to all stop respectfully and pay attention and let the person on your right move forward. That's counter clockwise...go figure. And in passing we may see the rest of the folks waiting for just a few moments. Someone's drinking a Starbucks. Someone's putting on their sunglasses. Someone's fixing their rearview. You know, everyone is waiting. I digress. Saddened by failed communications we move forward into a world where less people love us. Because if I am not loving you anymore then you are certainly not loving me anymore. And that my friends is a loss of love. All because folks were in a hurry to get to where they believe they are going even if it means losing love and true friendship along the way. It is a shame. Hear each other out. Keep love alive. It's never too late is it?
it is dawning on my that very few people even read this. And that's alright actually because I write it for myself. If anyone sees it they are a little bit lucky. I don't make everyone happy. I am troubled by the world and by the choices I see people make. Communication is, as they say, a two way street. And sometimes it's a four way street with stop signs all around and you show up to safely cross and you have to all stop respectfully and pay attention and let the person on your right move forward. That's counter clockwise...go figure. And in passing we may see the rest of the folks waiting for just a few moments. Someone's drinking a Starbucks. Someone's putting on their sunglasses. Someone's fixing their rearview. You know, everyone is waiting. I digress. Saddened by failed communications we move forward into a world where less people love us. Because if I am not loving you anymore then you are certainly not loving me anymore. And that my friends is a loss of love. All because folks were in a hurry to get to where they believe they are going even if it means losing love and true friendship along the way. It is a shame. Hear each other out. Keep love alive. It's never too late is it?
Dearest Diary, Oct. 9, 2020
the rains came in the early hours today. And after I slogged through the dirty dishes, cleaned off the eggs from the ganja farm chickens in Cheshire, cut open the ripe and ready cantaloupe that we grew in the summer garden this year and chopped a big, fresh beet from the next door neighbors I made an omelette with brie cheese, yellow summer squash and fresh chopped garlic. No coffee for me today diary as my stomach has been in knots for days and yesterday I had aspirin which didn't help. I lulled into and out of bed in a state of depression this morning. There is nothing good to talk about with any of my friends. The coming and mostly going of 'friends' is actually a relief. The ones who stand by are the ones that are willing to keep their minds open and that is really a cornerstone to friendship. If I don't wear a mask, or at least the mask I do wear allows me to breathe and you can't support that? Then go. I have two different types of asthma and anxiety. I will not rely on pharmaceuticals in order to wear these masks. That's just the way it is. And if you are my friend you can be glad for me that everyone else is masked up. I am one of the people that YOU DO THAT FOR.
the rains came in the early hours today. And after I slogged through the dirty dishes, cleaned off the eggs from the ganja farm chickens in Cheshire, cut open the ripe and ready cantaloupe that we grew in the summer garden this year and chopped a big, fresh beet from the next door neighbors I made an omelette with brie cheese, yellow summer squash and fresh chopped garlic. No coffee for me today diary as my stomach has been in knots for days and yesterday I had aspirin which didn't help. I lulled into and out of bed in a state of depression this morning. There is nothing good to talk about with any of my friends. The coming and mostly going of 'friends' is actually a relief. The ones who stand by are the ones that are willing to keep their minds open and that is really a cornerstone to friendship. If I don't wear a mask, or at least the mask I do wear allows me to breathe and you can't support that? Then go. I have two different types of asthma and anxiety. I will not rely on pharmaceuticals in order to wear these masks. That's just the way it is. And if you are my friend you can be glad for me that everyone else is masked up. I am one of the people that YOU DO THAT FOR.
Dear Diary, Oct. 5, 2020
I wasn't going to write you because my experience of today has been very hard. There was a moment of such immediate regret for me. We put our dog down. Put her to sleep and then some. It really is okay as it was time. She was on the brink of absolute misery in her aged, old body. She lived over fifteen years. She lost her sight about a year ago and with that went her hearing as well. Her last intact sense was smell and of course touch. I have a nice, hot pot of chai tea here as I wake into this early October morning without Bella. I sense her absence in every room. There is a new kind of crisp hollow place in my world where she was. Just moments after her heart stopped I regretted it. But the reality that preceded her sleep was all too clear. She was struggling to be alive and that was not good. We buried her on the hill side near where my grandpa and grandma Cable are buried. In broad daylight we drive into the cemetery, we park off to the side, we walk down the hill and we dig a three foot grave for her. We nestled her in and prayed. We burned incense, sage and lit a white candle. She was buried with a toy she had since she was eight weeks old. So what hurt the most was letting her go. And feeling her gone is one of the hardest feelings I've ever had to be aware of. Rest in Peace sweet Beelou, Bella, Beezy mama. I miss you so much already.
I wasn't going to write you because my experience of today has been very hard. There was a moment of such immediate regret for me. We put our dog down. Put her to sleep and then some. It really is okay as it was time. She was on the brink of absolute misery in her aged, old body. She lived over fifteen years. She lost her sight about a year ago and with that went her hearing as well. Her last intact sense was smell and of course touch. I have a nice, hot pot of chai tea here as I wake into this early October morning without Bella. I sense her absence in every room. There is a new kind of crisp hollow place in my world where she was. Just moments after her heart stopped I regretted it. But the reality that preceded her sleep was all too clear. She was struggling to be alive and that was not good. We buried her on the hill side near where my grandpa and grandma Cable are buried. In broad daylight we drive into the cemetery, we park off to the side, we walk down the hill and we dig a three foot grave for her. We nestled her in and prayed. We burned incense, sage and lit a white candle. She was buried with a toy she had since she was eight weeks old. So what hurt the most was letting her go. And feeling her gone is one of the hardest feelings I've ever had to be aware of. Rest in Peace sweet Beelou, Bella, Beezy mama. I miss you so much already.
Dear Diary, Oct. 3, 2020
Well, so much has happened since I last wrote to you. Oregon went up in smoke and for ten days I lived on a couple liters of oxygen per day...as I needed it which was really intense. I believe it saved my life. It was dark and the nights got harder and harder as the air became more thick with smoke. 100,000 people celebrated as the smoke cleared and the rain fell. I actually went onto the front lawn and did a quick naked circle dance in the rain as a pizza delivery truck drove by and I didn't give a rat's ass because I WAS ALIVE and it got way to close to the opposite of that for a lot of people. I do not doubt that we lost some elders to that smoke screen. Maybe they tested 5G or maybe not. Who knows what the hell is even happening these days. And then a couple days ago our own president and his wife supposedly 'tested' positive for that virus that is troubling the world and closing down economies, schools and religion. We pray to God. And most folks are taking freedoms way too lightly as our liberty is sucked into some black hole vibe that might never spit us back out into what we've worked so hard for after a couple hundred years to create freedoms. And racism? Why it's alive and well under the guise of being virtually signaled from all the fragile mentalities that have nothing better to fight for because they can't see the forest through the trees. SO I will keep recording and creating music and I don't give a flying F anymore about much else besides the very few people I have left to love. Ain't no grave gonna hold me down. God bless America.
Well, so much has happened since I last wrote to you. Oregon went up in smoke and for ten days I lived on a couple liters of oxygen per day...as I needed it which was really intense. I believe it saved my life. It was dark and the nights got harder and harder as the air became more thick with smoke. 100,000 people celebrated as the smoke cleared and the rain fell. I actually went onto the front lawn and did a quick naked circle dance in the rain as a pizza delivery truck drove by and I didn't give a rat's ass because I WAS ALIVE and it got way to close to the opposite of that for a lot of people. I do not doubt that we lost some elders to that smoke screen. Maybe they tested 5G or maybe not. Who knows what the hell is even happening these days. And then a couple days ago our own president and his wife supposedly 'tested' positive for that virus that is troubling the world and closing down economies, schools and religion. We pray to God. And most folks are taking freedoms way too lightly as our liberty is sucked into some black hole vibe that might never spit us back out into what we've worked so hard for after a couple hundred years to create freedoms. And racism? Why it's alive and well under the guise of being virtually signaled from all the fragile mentalities that have nothing better to fight for because they can't see the forest through the trees. SO I will keep recording and creating music and I don't give a flying F anymore about much else besides the very few people I have left to love. Ain't no grave gonna hold me down. God bless America.
Dear Diary, Sept. 14, 2020
you have been with me my whole life. It's a voice I've been telling with my entire life. Diary, you are a private place to me where I tell you about whatever I want to tell. But Diary? I hold back with you now. It's because I am sharing you online. It's not like the old days where I kept a thin little key to your lock and kept you under my pillow. My secret teenage place where I got my period or tried to have sex for the first time. Although I am just as alone and in shock in the world as I was in those days. The only things that kept me sane then are very much the same things that keep me sane today. My best friend Sandy, Pat Benetar, REO Speedwagon, Moonlight Sonata, ice cream and you Diary. These days I have to pay bills, take care of my bitter dying father, walk the dog, make the bed and pay more bills. There are differences though. If I even peep my opinion in controversial situations of tedious levity and someone who disagrees gets wind of it I will be struck down. Lately I beat them to it because I face the hard, cold truth that most people are actually not my friend and don't give a rat's ass what my opinion is and they care even less about what information and life experience leads me to my opinions. I went through a phase recently where I gave less than an F what people think about my feelings and opinions and I shared certain ideas freely and I ended up feeling unsafe with the backlash. Interestingly now people are speaking more freely but I am done. I actually do not care SO MUCH that I am blocking people right and left. No pun intended Diary. What I want to say most is I love you Diary.
you have been with me my whole life. It's a voice I've been telling with my entire life. Diary, you are a private place to me where I tell you about whatever I want to tell. But Diary? I hold back with you now. It's because I am sharing you online. It's not like the old days where I kept a thin little key to your lock and kept you under my pillow. My secret teenage place where I got my period or tried to have sex for the first time. Although I am just as alone and in shock in the world as I was in those days. The only things that kept me sane then are very much the same things that keep me sane today. My best friend Sandy, Pat Benetar, REO Speedwagon, Moonlight Sonata, ice cream and you Diary. These days I have to pay bills, take care of my bitter dying father, walk the dog, make the bed and pay more bills. There are differences though. If I even peep my opinion in controversial situations of tedious levity and someone who disagrees gets wind of it I will be struck down. Lately I beat them to it because I face the hard, cold truth that most people are actually not my friend and don't give a rat's ass what my opinion is and they care even less about what information and life experience leads me to my opinions. I went through a phase recently where I gave less than an F what people think about my feelings and opinions and I shared certain ideas freely and I ended up feeling unsafe with the backlash. Interestingly now people are speaking more freely but I am done. I actually do not care SO MUCH that I am blocking people right and left. No pun intended Diary. What I want to say most is I love you Diary.
Dear Diary, Sept. 12, 2020
good news is Jay Jay is visiting the house. Just fed him some black bean chili that I managed to make in my lack of oxygen state. Watching a Psychedelic Furs video...Love My Way. I can't wait to get back to recording. Life is really great. And I have had a weak heart today with it at times hurting and pinching when I take in deep breath or laugh. My dear diary I pray to God for us all. The planet is big and crazy.
good news is Jay Jay is visiting the house. Just fed him some black bean chili that I managed to make in my lack of oxygen state. Watching a Psychedelic Furs video...Love My Way. I can't wait to get back to recording. Life is really great. And I have had a weak heart today with it at times hurting and pinching when I take in deep breath or laugh. My dear diary I pray to God for us all. The planet is big and crazy.
Dear Diary, Sept. 11, 2020
The skies are so smokey and yet my friend Blue Sky came to visit yesterday with a bottle of medicinal pinot noir. We watched videos on Youtube and I gave a little neck massage. There are people I know who have fled from the hills around our valley here in Oregon. They have lost everything. Houses, pets, art, possessions of all kinds. I am drinking coffee after a horrible nights sleep. The air quality is near 428 pm2.5 and it is making staying alive for my family, my pets and I very difficult. It's strange how there is nowhere to go. Especially since my dad is in a hospital bed. My dad is doing pretty good. He is on oxygen full time. Anyway, there isn't much to talk about.
The skies are so smokey and yet my friend Blue Sky came to visit yesterday with a bottle of medicinal pinot noir. We watched videos on Youtube and I gave a little neck massage. There are people I know who have fled from the hills around our valley here in Oregon. They have lost everything. Houses, pets, art, possessions of all kinds. I am drinking coffee after a horrible nights sleep. The air quality is near 428 pm2.5 and it is making staying alive for my family, my pets and I very difficult. It's strange how there is nowhere to go. Especially since my dad is in a hospital bed. My dad is doing pretty good. He is on oxygen full time. Anyway, there isn't much to talk about.
Dear Diary, Sept. 9, 2020
just trying to play it cool here. I can hardly type or talk even. It is hard to finish my sentences. My brain is lacking oxygen. So depleted due to smoke in our air. Forest fires running rampant as winds picked up Monday Sept. 7th and flames were fanned in the dry Oregon hills. It is reported that Oregon currently has the worst air quality in the United States. I concur. My heart literally aches and I can not function as normal. God be with us.
just trying to play it cool here. I can hardly type or talk even. It is hard to finish my sentences. My brain is lacking oxygen. So depleted due to smoke in our air. Forest fires running rampant as winds picked up Monday Sept. 7th and flames were fanned in the dry Oregon hills. It is reported that Oregon currently has the worst air quality in the United States. I concur. My heart literally aches and I can not function as normal. God be with us.
Dear Diary, Sept. 5, 2020
Hello again after a very long day. I released Summer Star last night as a song video. The more I watch it the better it gets. I am about to throw the I'Ching. My friend Dean (Dave's roommate) reunited me with I'Ching about three weeks ago. I had forgotten all about it. Evan Kimble was really into it when I dated him in the late 1980's. Evan asked me to marry him three times but it was hard to take seriously because he also slept with a heroin addict that he had met in his Chinese class at Brown University in Providence, RI where I stayed with him for three months AND MET HER. I can almost remember her name...well I just couldn't trust him to not 'need to sleep' with other women. Whatever. We were also from exceedingly different religious stock. To say the absolute least. Anyway, I am psyched to be in touch with the I'Ching again. I ordered authentic Chinese coins (with extra to give as a gift to Dean). Life is good. I worked cleaning the B'n B I help manage today and Holy Chrysanthemum did I work to my breaking point. I cried three times when all was said and done because I was barely doing the kind of cleaning job that I normally like to do in order to fit into a very small window. Guests checked out and then more checked in exactly seven hours later. After a recent group of Californians that stayed for fourteen days to beat the smoke in the San Francisco valley. AND they had a big, hairy bitchy dog that left fur everywhere and I swear that they bathed her in the tub before they left because humans just don't leave that kind of grease or smell. Just sayin'. Anyway, I'll let you go. Thanks for hanging out Diary.
Hello again after a very long day. I released Summer Star last night as a song video. The more I watch it the better it gets. I am about to throw the I'Ching. My friend Dean (Dave's roommate) reunited me with I'Ching about three weeks ago. I had forgotten all about it. Evan Kimble was really into it when I dated him in the late 1980's. Evan asked me to marry him three times but it was hard to take seriously because he also slept with a heroin addict that he had met in his Chinese class at Brown University in Providence, RI where I stayed with him for three months AND MET HER. I can almost remember her name...well I just couldn't trust him to not 'need to sleep' with other women. Whatever. We were also from exceedingly different religious stock. To say the absolute least. Anyway, I am psyched to be in touch with the I'Ching again. I ordered authentic Chinese coins (with extra to give as a gift to Dean). Life is good. I worked cleaning the B'n B I help manage today and Holy Chrysanthemum did I work to my breaking point. I cried three times when all was said and done because I was barely doing the kind of cleaning job that I normally like to do in order to fit into a very small window. Guests checked out and then more checked in exactly seven hours later. After a recent group of Californians that stayed for fourteen days to beat the smoke in the San Francisco valley. AND they had a big, hairy bitchy dog that left fur everywhere and I swear that they bathed her in the tub before they left because humans just don't leave that kind of grease or smell. Just sayin'. Anyway, I'll let you go. Thanks for hanging out Diary.
Dear Diary, Sept. 4, 2020
how are you? Are you just waiting here on my webpage for me to visit with words, experiences, hopes 'n dreams? Well then, here I am. Still in my robe with coffee in hand. Yesterday I recorded another vocal and a short but stirring harmonica solo in the key of A. Also, shot some moon footage for the video. Drove out to Cheshire and watched that big moon rise. It looked like yellow cheese. A hunter's moon apparently. I had spent many hours with my best friend Bluesky. We went out to the shore line at Cascara campground on Fall Creek Reservoir. It's late in the season and I couldn't believe how far down the water was. It seemed murky but still very refreshing. We ate Brie cheese, drank fancy kombucha and talked of days gone by, our families, politics, good sex and bad sex. Good men and bad men. LOL. Ambitions are new in this day and age with finding ways to feel alive, vital and ecstatic in the days of Covid19 OREGON lockdown. There were a lot of folks camped out at Cascara. If I didn't have to be here at the house caring for my dying father I would for sure go camp. I long for fire and stars.
how are you? Are you just waiting here on my webpage for me to visit with words, experiences, hopes 'n dreams? Well then, here I am. Still in my robe with coffee in hand. Yesterday I recorded another vocal and a short but stirring harmonica solo in the key of A. Also, shot some moon footage for the video. Drove out to Cheshire and watched that big moon rise. It looked like yellow cheese. A hunter's moon apparently. I had spent many hours with my best friend Bluesky. We went out to the shore line at Cascara campground on Fall Creek Reservoir. It's late in the season and I couldn't believe how far down the water was. It seemed murky but still very refreshing. We ate Brie cheese, drank fancy kombucha and talked of days gone by, our families, politics, good sex and bad sex. Good men and bad men. LOL. Ambitions are new in this day and age with finding ways to feel alive, vital and ecstatic in the days of Covid19 OREGON lockdown. There were a lot of folks camped out at Cascara. If I didn't have to be here at the house caring for my dying father I would for sure go camp. I long for fire and stars.
Dear Diary, Sept. 3, 2020
yesterday was so cool. I directed two young actors on location for the video that I am making to go along with the song 'Summer Star'. The song is from the point of view of a woman looking back in time and letting go of who she was while also holding onto the innocence of summer time. It was wonderful to shoot video even though it was 90 degrees in late summer. Working in the studio is as fabulous as I've always fantasized it to be. Yesterday afternoon I spent three hours editing footage and I also spent about an hour fine tuning the audio files of the song recording. The good news is I am surrendering to creative solitude. I am doing it for myself. The only way for me to survive these days is to be creative. Make something beautiful out of nothing that is what living really is for me. The world all around is so beautiful. Being alive in a real way in nature and capturing it in song and video...I can't think of a better way to live life. So Diary I thank you once again for being here for me.
yesterday was so cool. I directed two young actors on location for the video that I am making to go along with the song 'Summer Star'. The song is from the point of view of a woman looking back in time and letting go of who she was while also holding onto the innocence of summer time. It was wonderful to shoot video even though it was 90 degrees in late summer. Working in the studio is as fabulous as I've always fantasized it to be. Yesterday afternoon I spent three hours editing footage and I also spent about an hour fine tuning the audio files of the song recording. The good news is I am surrendering to creative solitude. I am doing it for myself. The only way for me to survive these days is to be creative. Make something beautiful out of nothing that is what living really is for me. The world all around is so beautiful. Being alive in a real way in nature and capturing it in song and video...I can't think of a better way to live life. So Diary I thank you once again for being here for me.
Dear Diary, Sept. 1, 2020
driving home tonight I saw the absolute best orange sunset. It had been good to get out of the house although I was sleepy from my favorite CBD elixir called: Boneyard. Yum. Not to sweet and totally mellows me out. Went to hear some jazz and lose the world for awhile. It worked. I came back to the world as I drove home and listened to Eugene's very own KUGN. The media oppression that is alive and well is all consuming and exhausting. I used to run with antifa when I lived in Santa Cruz, Cali for some time in the late 1990's. I marched against police in S.F. and they cornered us down on a dead end street and I bailed at that point although I was still hanging with antifa thugs as they were my ride. Thing is police are who we call when we need help. In SC I was posted up as a radio personality on the local pirate station in those old days of 1997. Liza-bath was my Free Radio Santa Cruz moniker and I was dating an ex-police officer who went by the name Phil Free although his name was (*maybe) really Michael Correl. It was a short lived, food not bombs kind of existence so when I say I've come full circle or that I've been there & I know what the heck I am talking 'bout I mean it. Anyway, I digress, literally and figuratively. My day was full to the brim since I've begun recording again. Two songs in two days and I have another lined up for production tomorrow. Recording time starts at 2:00 pm which is late enough in the day that it gives me lots of time to do other things including waking up, working out and keeping house. There are little blessings here and there with all of this stuff going on in the world. Thanks Diary. I am glad you're here for me. For realz.
driving home tonight I saw the absolute best orange sunset. It had been good to get out of the house although I was sleepy from my favorite CBD elixir called: Boneyard. Yum. Not to sweet and totally mellows me out. Went to hear some jazz and lose the world for awhile. It worked. I came back to the world as I drove home and listened to Eugene's very own KUGN. The media oppression that is alive and well is all consuming and exhausting. I used to run with antifa when I lived in Santa Cruz, Cali for some time in the late 1990's. I marched against police in S.F. and they cornered us down on a dead end street and I bailed at that point although I was still hanging with antifa thugs as they were my ride. Thing is police are who we call when we need help. In SC I was posted up as a radio personality on the local pirate station in those old days of 1997. Liza-bath was my Free Radio Santa Cruz moniker and I was dating an ex-police officer who went by the name Phil Free although his name was (*maybe) really Michael Correl. It was a short lived, food not bombs kind of existence so when I say I've come full circle or that I've been there & I know what the heck I am talking 'bout I mean it. Anyway, I digress, literally and figuratively. My day was full to the brim since I've begun recording again. Two songs in two days and I have another lined up for production tomorrow. Recording time starts at 2:00 pm which is late enough in the day that it gives me lots of time to do other things including waking up, working out and keeping house. There are little blessings here and there with all of this stuff going on in the world. Thanks Diary. I am glad you're here for me. For realz.
Dear Diary, Aug. 31, 2020
The sun is high in the blue sky today. Just got home from a lovely bike ride. Grabbed lunch at a hippie dippy store downtown and dropped off a card and some green bud for a friend. I need to water the garden. The tomatoes are starting to turn red and there are a lot of them so we need to figure something out to do with them. Tomatoes at every meal for a while! After I finished the Amazon series that I was so into I was a little in mourning like after reading a good book that comes to an end. With the world the way it is nearing elections here in the USA and the Pandemic I strive to remain distracted. Caring for my dad in hospice is a daily honor and after a year it is quite trying. I can't be the kind of friend that I long to be. So I am practicing being alone and happy. I must follow my own lead and not hope that others can adapt to me and my limited windows of time. There is little satisfaction in always doing things when, where and how my friends want to do them. People always seem to want things on their own terms. I have to strive to do what I want when I want without anyone because people just are not into being there for me, no big deal really. I am alright with that but I am not going to go out of my way all the time just so that I can spend time with others. Anyway, I am happy to report that I am great company. But you know that Diary! I am setting up a little recording studio so that I can make tracks to create videos. Shooting video footage on the GoPro is totally awesome. I love it. The first song I want to record is "Summer Star".
The sun is high in the blue sky today. Just got home from a lovely bike ride. Grabbed lunch at a hippie dippy store downtown and dropped off a card and some green bud for a friend. I need to water the garden. The tomatoes are starting to turn red and there are a lot of them so we need to figure something out to do with them. Tomatoes at every meal for a while! After I finished the Amazon series that I was so into I was a little in mourning like after reading a good book that comes to an end. With the world the way it is nearing elections here in the USA and the Pandemic I strive to remain distracted. Caring for my dad in hospice is a daily honor and after a year it is quite trying. I can't be the kind of friend that I long to be. So I am practicing being alone and happy. I must follow my own lead and not hope that others can adapt to me and my limited windows of time. There is little satisfaction in always doing things when, where and how my friends want to do them. People always seem to want things on their own terms. I have to strive to do what I want when I want without anyone because people just are not into being there for me, no big deal really. I am alright with that but I am not going to go out of my way all the time just so that I can spend time with others. Anyway, I am happy to report that I am great company. But you know that Diary! I am setting up a little recording studio so that I can make tracks to create videos. Shooting video footage on the GoPro is totally awesome. I love it. The first song I want to record is "Summer Star".
Dear Diary, Aug. 30, 2020
Good morning. Sorry I didn't write to you yesterday. I was laying in bed last night and I realized that I didn't have the energy to get up and recount the day. I'm burning nag champa incense as I write this and wait for my French press coffee water to boil. Yesterday came and went and I took care of my dad here in hospice as usual. The night before I had slept with the window open and a fan on in the bedroom so I had a sore throat in the morning. I took a bunch of things like D3, Vitamin C, elderberry and lots of water and slept in the middle of the day to fight off the beginning of a cold successfully I might add. There is a cool series I have started watching on Amazon Prime called "Fleabag." Totally great writing and acting. What I love about this show is that often the main protagonist character breaks the fourth wall. The fourth wall being a creative line in time where the viewer is basically a voyeur. And when broken, the audience is allowed inside the characters head. The show goes on and on with great writing and at one point in season two a sexy priest (oxymoron) character breaks the fourth wall twice with the main character. It is titillating and exciting. I binge watched while dinner cooked: fresh veggies, pasta and halibut. The house smelled amazing not unlike a fine Italian restaurant. I was still in a state of turmoil from the day previous and its social media escapades. We are learning who friends are and aren't. People are horrible sometimes. A man was killed in Portland yesterday as Trump supporters and 'peaceful protesters' have begun to clash in earnest. I saw this coming. God help us. Oooop coffee water's ready. Have a good day.
Good morning. Sorry I didn't write to you yesterday. I was laying in bed last night and I realized that I didn't have the energy to get up and recount the day. I'm burning nag champa incense as I write this and wait for my French press coffee water to boil. Yesterday came and went and I took care of my dad here in hospice as usual. The night before I had slept with the window open and a fan on in the bedroom so I had a sore throat in the morning. I took a bunch of things like D3, Vitamin C, elderberry and lots of water and slept in the middle of the day to fight off the beginning of a cold successfully I might add. There is a cool series I have started watching on Amazon Prime called "Fleabag." Totally great writing and acting. What I love about this show is that often the main protagonist character breaks the fourth wall. The fourth wall being a creative line in time where the viewer is basically a voyeur. And when broken, the audience is allowed inside the characters head. The show goes on and on with great writing and at one point in season two a sexy priest (oxymoron) character breaks the fourth wall twice with the main character. It is titillating and exciting. I binge watched while dinner cooked: fresh veggies, pasta and halibut. The house smelled amazing not unlike a fine Italian restaurant. I was still in a state of turmoil from the day previous and its social media escapades. We are learning who friends are and aren't. People are horrible sometimes. A man was killed in Portland yesterday as Trump supporters and 'peaceful protesters' have begun to clash in earnest. I saw this coming. God help us. Oooop coffee water's ready. Have a good day.
Dear Diary, Aug. 28, 2020
today was drawn out and weird. I am starting this online diary in honor of how different each day seems to be. There is not a lot that is outstanding in general. I woke up early thinking I would go to the gym...but instead I drank coffee and stayed in my red robe until at least noon. I was going to try to stay in my bathrobe all day but after making breakfast and getting sucked into hurting people's feelings and destroying friendships on Facebook (which is the norm when I go on that site, unfortunately. ) I went to sit in the sun and read and put on eucalyptus oil just for fun. Then I had to cool down and so I showered and dressed for the day still not managing to do a whole heck of a lot. I finally deactivated Facebook again for the umpteenth time and tried to come back down to earth. I was in a state of media overload and I felt overwhelmed until I realized that it was John's Zoom birthday party ( 64 love you JG ) and so I had a good reason to pour one glass of pinot noir, it's good for lowering blood pressure and away I zoomed learning that California fires have been devastating to my beloved friends in Santa Cruz with over 750 homes burned to the ground. I took a couple bong hits, listened intently, sang them the Jane Dough song and generally agreed with everything except I encouraged folks to get guns. Right? It will be better in the coming days to have one because you don't want to wish you had had one later. Do guns keep the peace? What an oxymoron. But truly everything is so "backwards world" now. It's like America Through the Looking Glass. I love you diary. I'll write more tomorrow.
today was drawn out and weird. I am starting this online diary in honor of how different each day seems to be. There is not a lot that is outstanding in general. I woke up early thinking I would go to the gym...but instead I drank coffee and stayed in my red robe until at least noon. I was going to try to stay in my bathrobe all day but after making breakfast and getting sucked into hurting people's feelings and destroying friendships on Facebook (which is the norm when I go on that site, unfortunately. ) I went to sit in the sun and read and put on eucalyptus oil just for fun. Then I had to cool down and so I showered and dressed for the day still not managing to do a whole heck of a lot. I finally deactivated Facebook again for the umpteenth time and tried to come back down to earth. I was in a state of media overload and I felt overwhelmed until I realized that it was John's Zoom birthday party ( 64 love you JG ) and so I had a good reason to pour one glass of pinot noir, it's good for lowering blood pressure and away I zoomed learning that California fires have been devastating to my beloved friends in Santa Cruz with over 750 homes burned to the ground. I took a couple bong hits, listened intently, sang them the Jane Dough song and generally agreed with everything except I encouraged folks to get guns. Right? It will be better in the coming days to have one because you don't want to wish you had had one later. Do guns keep the peace? What an oxymoron. But truly everything is so "backwards world" now. It's like America Through the Looking Glass. I love you diary. I'll write more tomorrow.